I'm Going Gaga Over Owen!

I really don't understand United fans sometimes. Half the world is up in arms over this deal, which to me is a really good one. No, I take that back, it's a fucking GREAT deal! I absolutely love it.

This signing works for me on so many levels, it's almost a wet dream come true. I'll just note them down on point form since this news filtered down to me right in the middle of the freaking night.

1. We didn't spend any crazy money on some freaking over-rated lazy shit piece of ass named Benzema. I'm not saying Benzema is a poor player, but to sign him for anything even close to the amount Real paid for him is ridiculous. From the few Lyon games I've had the chance to catch last season, he comes across as a lazy, disinterested player. We already have one of those named Berbatov.

2. Owen is a free agent. We didn't spend jack squat.

3. Owen is a low risk-high reward signing. He's a proven goal scorer and we paid nothing to have him on our books. If it doesn't pan out, we just let him rot in the reserves. If he starts banging in goals, we look like fucking geniuses. You gotta be a freaking idiot not to like this move.

4. Owen is at his lowest point in his career with practically everyone writing him off. You can bet he's going to come over to Old Trafford and work his fucking butt off.

5. The Michael Owen/Liverpool fanboys can all come suck my majestic cock. It's going to be absolutely hilarious how they are going to react. Even if you can't agree with any of the above (in which case you probably suck anyway), this reason should justify the signing. Too good and too funny to be true.

6. By the unwritten laws of scoring against your previous club rule, you can be sure Liverpool fans are already quaking in their shoes at the prospect of facing Owen. Fucking love the irony.

7. We are probably not finished with adding to the squad. Fans are acting like this is the be all and end all of the signings for this season. We're going to let the chips fall where they are before we make another move if possible. I think this is prudent and wise, considering the silly money that is fly around, especially in Spain. We cannot and will not be pushed into a position to spend silly money on silly players. Past experiences with Nani, Anderson, Carrick, Hargreaves and Berbatov in the last couple of seasons should really have opened Davd Gills eyes on how to do business in the market, although I still think it's not beyond him to make another wild purchase.