Lambs To The Slaughter. United Slams Six Past Barcodes.

Manchester United 6 - Newcastle 0
Ronaldo 49, 70, 89
Tevez 55, 90
Ferdinand 85

Team : Edwin Van der Sar, Evra (Simpson 67), Rio, Vidic, O'Shea, Anderson (72), Carrick, Giggs (Nani 72), Ronaldo, Tevez, Rooney

This has been one helluva strange night. For starters, I can't for the hell of me remember when was the last time I've been this sick. It must have been at least 10 years ago since I last felt this ill. In anycase, I managed to crawl out of bed and catch this game. All I have to say is that it was bloody worth it.

And if you've noticed (you must have), I've screwed around with the presentation of this report with slightly more details. It's probably not going to be very permanent since it's helluva lot of work and I'm generally helluva lazy.

My initial reaction to facing the crybabies after the demise of Big Sam was probably....oh fuck. I never like facing teams with their backs against the wall. This is especially so for a fucked up team like Newcastle. It's been apparent for the past couple of months or so that the players (with the exception of Nicky Butt) have given up on Big Sam. And now without the scapegoat around, the onus falls on the players to pull up their socks. The truth is that this team has under-achieved and their position on the table does not reflect their strength.

Oh man, was I ever so wrong.

They are every bit as pathetic as their record shows. If not for the fact that there are teams like Derby, Boro, Fulham and Wigan around, they would be my prime candidates for the drop.

In the opening 15 minutes, Rooney could have had a hat-trick to add to his already impressive personal tally against Newcastle (7 in 8 games). Time and time again in that period, Rooney found himself with plenty of space for the shot. Given was impressive on the night and saved 3 times, while Rooney missed a fourth. It was a signal for things to come.

Rob Styles didn't help matter when he denied 2 genuine claims for a penalty when both Ronaldo and Giggs were fouled in the box. Quite frankly, how the hell Rob Styles is still a premiership referee is beyond me. I can only summise that the standards of refereeing is so bad that Styles still has a freaking job.

On the other side of the pitch, the linesman denied Michael Owens a genuine chance for a one on one situation when he rised his flag too early.

It was a frustrating first half. We had plenty of shots at goal but nothing to show for. Dodgy decisions aside, we were by far the better team. However, Given was outstanding in goal and Newcastle were battling hard.

Like I mentioned, it was a strange night. The half time oranges must have done their trick. United came riproaring out of the tunnel.

Ronaldo won a freekick on the edge of the box. Instead of a trademark balloon into row Z, Ronaldo cheekily struck the ball under the wall and into the net. For once the advance scouting team had done their job. They must have noted that Newcastle's wall had the tendency to jump and Ronaldo exploited it to perfection.

After taking a well-deserved lead, United drove forward with greater determination to consolidate the win and retake the top spot in the Premiership standings. True to form, Newcastle's defense crumbled when Given smacked a clearance into his defender. Giggs was onto the loose ball in a flash and Tevez had the easiest of task of poking it into an empty net.

What was perhaps more astonishing than Newcastle's defensive suicide was that Tevez whipped out a pacifier and stuck it into his mouth. It's not the first time he's done that but I'm seriously hoping it's the last time. I have nothing against extravagant celebrations, but did anyone seriously take a look at where he whipped the pacifier from? Jesus, the fucking last thing I would do, given it's previous resting place, is to put it in my mouth!

If the first goal was from a set-piece, the second from Newcastle committing harakiri, the third was pure class. Great passing from Carrick to Rooney to Tevez and finally to Ronaldo. This was United at it's finest. We simply tore Newcastle apart for that goal.

5 minutes from time, Rio added a fourth when Rooney's clipped ball found him with time and space to volley in from close range.

Ronaldo completed his hat-trick on 89 minutes. Ferguson usually substitutes Ronaldo before he gets his hat-trick but tonight he allowed Ronaldo the opportunity to bask in glory.

Tevez completed the massacre with a sixth. His volley hit the underside of the bar and the linesman flagged that it has gone beyond the line. The replays were non-conclusive. 5 goals or 6 goals, it didn't really matter. Well, actually it did for Alan Smith who was given his marching orders for protesting that last goal.

This was an incredible second half display of our ruthlessness, something that has been missing for quite sometime. If we can put this kind of performance in every now and then, we'd be a scary team to play against.

We now sit level on points with Arsenal, who drew against Birmingham. It's only a matter of time before we pull away from them. The biggest surprise for me is how Chelsea is coping with their injuries and missing players. They have pulled a string of grinding victories to keep pace at the top. As of right now, it's a three horse race.

Note:
After one of the worst perfomances last week, Michael Carrick probably had one of his best nights in a United shirt. I'm actually caught between him and Ronaldo for my man of the match. Ronaldo possibly edges it with the hat-trick, but take nothing away from an outstanding game from Carrick.

Yup, it's been one helluva strange night.